Over
the past few weeks, fresh into the world of dating. I have joined a few online
websites. Some of which I have joined and then found there are an outrageous
amount of hidden charges, making the website pointless without paying a charge
which is the same cost as a small tropical island.
Memo
to self. Start a dating website. Make a fortune. Tease broken-hearted people
with the idea of love and become minted.
I
decided a friend’s tip off of a site – who is now happily in a relationship –
was the way to go. And it’s a freebie site.
I sign
up and go through the awkward stages of writing interesting but yet not giving
away too much in all the ‘About Me’ sections. My favourite has to be the ‘Why
are you here’ section. I mean, isn’t it kind of obvious?
Do you
drink? Do you smoke? Do you do drugs? Do you have pets? What was your cats
mothers name? It does go on a bit.
Half
an hour of my life whilst sipping my soy cappuccino I finally get there. Now to
await the “Hits”. Do I really want to be hit online?
The
next day I download the handy app to check how things are going and actually do
my first proper search. Amazement with seeing over 300 messages, likes, profile
views, winks, nudges, hits etc. Wow. I ignore the profile views and winking
faces and fast track to the messages, as this is the important and somewhat
tricky aspect to online dating.
As I
begin sifting through the emails I come to the conclusions, quickly, most men
do not know how to write to women and chivalry and romance is official dead. I
learnt this from Machoman69 with his tasteful message of ‘spunk bucket’.
Delete. Sorry Machoman69.
I find
it so interesting reading these messages finding out what men think is
acceptable to write to a stranger. This is an email to introduce yourself to a perspective
person you might one day date and possible have a relationship with, and maybe
marry. So, ‘Do you like to party?’, ‘Fit’, ‘Real or fake’, ‘Spit or swallow’
and ‘I will ruin you’, just don’t cut it.
After
hours, days and countless chats with my friends, ‘Look at this dickhead. That’s
how he’s attempting to pull women’. I have come up with a male friendly, super
female friendly guide for men setting up online dating pages.
1.
The
Photo: A photo of just you. Not you and your mates on a jolly, off your face.
Just you. Do not pose. You’re not doing a spread in Playgirl magazine, remove
the sunglasses and keep the shirt on. Selfies aren’t a complete no no but the
duck face has to go.
2.
Bio:
Actually describe yourself. What you do, what you like, how you like to
socialize. Keep it light hearted. Don’t write a novel. Leave room for the
ladies to ask questions and get to know you.
3.
Shopping
List: DO NOT WRITE A SHOPPING LIST. So many of the guys profiles read like a
girlfriend shopping list, she must be fit, like to drink, big boob, cook, up
for a laugh, enjoy the cinema, risk taker, preferably brunette, etc. We are not
item, products, things. Don’t list or treat us like that. And you haven’t been
good enough this year for Santa to sort a gift that good out for you.
4.
First
Email: Start simple and easy. A simple ‘Hello, how has your day been?’ can go a
long way. Add in a little twist or character if you want but keep it short and
sweet. When it’s an epic read (majority of the time a obvious copy and paste
job) we probably don’t have the time and can’t be asked to read the full thing.
5.
Keeping
it interesting: Make things interesting. Ask questions. Nothing worse than
someone talking about their day-to-day life and not asking about yours. Don’t
come on too strong. Asking, what do you look for in a man, how many children do
you want, a summer or spring wedding, is just too much too soon. Grab a glass
of wine first to soften the blow.
These
are just a few opinions from my dating experience, and I am very sure there are
many women out there that fail at the above guidelines. But at least I know if
one person follows these steps, then that’s one less profile I need to delete
from my phone and memory. Selfish much?
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