Am I that single girl who can be friends with an ex?

“We are going to have to share a hotel room, is that okay?” The dreaded words to hear over the phone when talking to your ex after not seeing each other for a year.

It’s been a year since I last saw my ex in person. Texts, tweets, facetime, instragram and Facebook likes have been exchanged in that time but face to face conversation and presents has been seriously vacant. But an up coming trip (which seemed like a fantastic idea after a few frozen margaritas) means fives days in each other company and same hotel room. Let’s face it there are three ways in which this is going to go.

•  We sleep together. Stand by for the heartbreak and agony all over again.
• We argue constantly and never want to speak too, let alone see each other ever again.
• Nothing. Nothing dramatic happens, and a friend filled few days of harmless fun occurs. Yeah right, likely story.

Place your bets now…

But can you really be friends with an ex? An ex who you were madly in love with? An ex who you planned the rest of your life with. An ex who broke your heart.

Am I just setting myself up for a huge fall? Or could this be the closure and next step I need?

As I leave the airport and get into my Uber heading to the hotel, the what the f*ck am I doing sinks in. Is this a good idea? I mean seriously. Thank goodness for my incredibly friends and chatty driver who has unknowingly calmed my nervous and put me in a very good mood for what could be the most awkward hug in the history of the human race, and also given me some fantastic tourist tips.

I stand there at reception waiting for the clerk to find my name. Hilariously in the states no one can pronounce my name correctly, therefore finding a reservation always takes a few extra minutes of my spelling my name aloud over and over again.

He has to come down and confirm the booking. As he walks over there is a very brief acknowledgement of my presents. Good start. Not.

As we walk to the lifts (booking sorted and repeated apologies to the incorrect pronouncement of my name are given) the obligatory how are you, you look good remarks are mad. Then the awkward hug occurs. I mentally cringed as I went in for a hug but as we connected the embrace was just like same old same old. It was like I’d never left his arms. Do not girlyout over this; it’s just a hug.

In the hotel room we caught up. So many things had happened in our lives that we no longer discussed with one another. Yes we talked occasionally but it seems we censored our conversations ignoring the real nitty gritty things in life.

Later that evening we went for a few drinks in the bar. A text from my best friend ‘DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!!!! (5 angry faced emojio)’ popped up on my phone. Always amazed me how she is one step ahead of me and is in my brain shifting through my thoughts.

And we didn’t. We did cuddle (very girly I know but it was nice and better not-getting-back-to-together-break-up-goodbye-awkward sex).

Though morning glory did occur the next morning. Well he is a man with a working penis in bed with a woman with breasts, one track minded guy. I declined. Inside I was scream but I knew the moments after I would be wanting to jump of the balcony of our 24 floors up hotel room. Mini celebratory cheer inside for me being a grown up and thinking of the bigger picture.

As the days went on, there were a few cold shoulder moments post ‘no I don’t think we should sleep together’ moment, but after a brief conversation on why that would yes be amazing but then horrific, we were back on the same page.

Five days whip past. And it is time to say goodbye. A kiss, a cuddle and a promise to call more often were exchanged.

It was five days of going back in time. Not back to being in a relationship with him but back being a friend and having easy conversations and fun together. The temptation was there, but as the days went on this was not the only thing on the mind of two exes moving on and rekindling a friendship. This could have been heartbreaking but instead it concluded and closed the doors on our relationship as the doors swung widely open into our friendship relationship.

Tears could of occurred on many occasions but without trying we would never of known, and the idea of losing someone who I was once madly in love with completely from my life would of been more heartbreaking.

As I sit at the airport awaiting to board my flight I have a calm smile across my face, ready to move on complete with another true friend in my life and not just another social media companion who will like my newly posted selfie.

Am I that single girl who survived the Adele breakup soundtrack to my life?

“If music be the food of love, play on.”

Now we all have those songs that remind us of good time and amazing memories. Any Spice Girl song brings me back to the school disco in the gym hall. Take That songs remind me of the heartbreak I went through when the bands split. Nirvana reminds me of my grungy college years and my first boyfriend and drunken house party. But when working your way through the steps of break up, recovery music is a make or break tool in these hard times.

Adele and Sam Smith both have written wonderful songs post break ups as they pour their hearts into their lyrics. But when I was broken hearted I remember my best friend deleting any Adele or Sam Smith song from my phone, out of fear I would jump off London Bridge after a vino or two.

I have only in recent weeks downloaded Adele’s newest album. That bad, yep I know!

So how do these great artists channel their pain into practical work? Does this busy life keep them from taking a trip to the tallest London tourist attractions or were their friends also deleting certain songs from their playlists?

Over the past few months my work and life has been manic. Living out of a suitcase, flying here there and everywhere. Having no time to write a That Single Girl update, apologies for that, let alone think about That Single Girl, me. And, those few and far between times I have thought about my love life any butterfly feelings I had for my past love have vanished.

My playlist in back in full swing and I can finally understand what all the hype was about from new album releases. With these songs capturing the pain of a heartache it’s interesting to listen to the words pouring out and knowing you survived yet another partner. You survived. I survived. You can smile again awaiting your next victim.

Time is the healer. Not Sam Smith.

Am I that single girl who swipes left and right?

A few months ago I was out for drinks with a friend and we were discussing dating. He was encouraging me to get back out there, but with my job having quite unsociable hours it is tricky to meet the love of my life. I have tried dating sites and just found they ripped off vulnerable people constantly asking you for more money the further you move along the online dating food chain. He suggested that well know Swipe Left or right dating app.

           

“I am not in it for a booty call. I am serious and will be keeping my legs firmly closed on the first date.” I insisted.

After he wiped up the beer that he spat out at me. He ensured me that it is not just about booty calls and he has gone on dates with girls that haven’t ended the night with a wham bam thank you mam.

So I join up and my friend choses my five photos and away we go. Swiping away. More left than right. Standard. I am incredible fussy after all.

After a few days pass there are four guys that I quite like to look of and have been talking to. The usual groundwork conversation about what they do, where they are from, how their weekend was. A few days pass and not one of them has asked me out on a date. Further days passed and the same daily conversations go on. How was work? What are you plans this evening? But no sign of actually meeting face to face.

Well over a week now, so I ask one of them about meeting up for a drink. He says he is free Thursday 7^th January. (It is the 2^nd December when I ask). Blank.

Later that evening one of the guys finally asks me out that Friday. Win. On Thursday I get a message from him saying he has double booked himself and Friday is off. The next free night is in two weeks time. Free night? What about a 20 min coffee pre work or on your way to football practice. Fine, your choice.

A few days pass and he begins texting more and more frequently, asking more and more personal questions. Some questions I haven’t even discussed the answer with my best friend. I’m intrigued to find out why, basically a complete strange thinks it is acceptable for another stranger to tell them their deepest darkest secrets before meeting and knowing if or if not there is a connection. Has the world of social media and putting everything out there from behind a screen really gone that far? Is it to much to meet and actually ask these questions in person and over time? Interesting.

The personal questions keep coming and more and more texts arriving. (At times I’m confused to how someone can type that fast of reply). A robot? A bored computer hacker? Or just a lonely loser?

I don’t give any more that what I would put on the internet away to him. He could be a raving bunny boiler for all I know.

Two weeks pass. Two weeks of me replying one or two word answers or not replying at all. I do not mention our attempt at date number two at all in this time. He then informs me that he is busy and it will have to be in the New Year. Oh dear, what a shame. Block.

I revisit the app for a third time lucky attempt. I begin talking to a personal trainer who has a lot of similar interests and a good sense of humor. As much as I can tell through the screen of my iPhone. After three days I suggest meeting, thinking I am learning from past mistakes. He also gives me a date, in 3 weeks time. Third time unlucky more like.

Three weeks pass and I get a naked photo of the PT with the comment ‘Look what your missing out on.’ Hilariously he is tiny not just in his man hood but general body size. I’m more a chunky mans man, kind of girl.

Who do these fella’s think they are? Or what are they scared of? Prolonging to dating app messages isn’t going to make meeting for the first time incredible awkward any easier. It will always be horrific, best to get it over and done with sooner rather than later in my opinion. Like ripping off a plaster.

With the dating app I have given up swiping and instead deleted everything. Considering just meeting someone in the real world and not the cyber world. Retro, right?!